One If by Clam, Two If by Sea

"One If by clam, Two If by Sea"
Family Guy episode
Peter, Lois, and Nigel Pinchley.
Episode no.	Season 3 Episode 4
Directed by	Dan Povenmire
Written by	Jim Bernstein and Michael Shipley
Production code	2ACX19
Original air date	August 1, 2001 (2001-08-01)
Guest stars
Ed Asner Tara Charendoff Hugh Laurie Alan Shearman
Episode chronology
← Previous "Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington" Next → "And the Wiener Is..."
Family Guy (season 3) List of Family Guy episodes

"One If by Clam, Two If by Sea" is the fourth episode of the third season of the animated comedy series Family Guy. It originally aired on Fox on August 1, 2001. The plot features The Drunken Clam, a tavern, being nearly destroyed by a hurricane, and then bought by a group of wealthy Englishmen who turn the bar into a dignified establishment. Peter, Joe, Cleveland and Quagmire then attempt to bring back the Drunken Clam, and send the new owner back to England.

The episode was written by Jim Bernstein and Michael Shipley and directed by Dan Povenmire. The episode featured guest performances by Ed Asner, Tara Charendoff, Hugh Laurie and Alan Shearman, along with several recurring guest voice actors for the series.

Plot

Flashbacks at the beginning establish that Peter has been working at the Happy-Go-Lucky Toy Factory and going to The Drunken Clam regularly since at least 1977.

A hurricane strikes Quahog. While the family hides, Peter plays "What I Did for Love" from the musical A Chorus Line on wine glasses. The Griffin's house suffers cosmetic damage. Afterwards, a tour of the town shows much destruction.

Though The Drunken Clam was undamaged, the bar's owner Horace sells it and leaves for Florida. An Englishman named Nigel Pinchley turns it into a British stereotypical pub. Upset over the loss of their favorite bar and failing to find another one, Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe try to start their own American revolution at the pub by spraying beer in front of the patrons. However, the British use their linguistic skills to convince them to leave. The men are not swayed completely and storm a British ship in an attempt to recreate the Boston Tea Party with beer.

That night, the pub mysteriously burns down. A forensic artist's illustration of the suspect shows a giant, fire-breathing insect. Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe are thrown in jail due to an anonymous tip (given by the insect). Even worse, the meanest criminal Joe ever put away, Steve Bellows, plans to kill him and the others at midnight on Saturday. Lois, Loretta, and Bonnie are unable to believe their husbands would burn down their favorite hangout.

They subsequently discover that Nigel had taken out a large insurance policy the day before the pub burned down. Though Nigel's insurance agent thinks nothing of it, the women immediately become suspicious. Knowing Nigel is strongly attracted to her, Lois plans to trick Nigel into confessing, with the other wives hiding in his study as witnesses. They do not show, though Lois does get a confession. She has mistaken a globe for Bonnie and the hair of Demond Wilson, star of the 1970s sitcom Sanford and Son, for that of Loretta. However, Nigel's insurance agent was in his closet and overheard everything. When asked by Nigel why he was in his closet, the insurance agent said that he came with Demond.

Meanwhile, Stewie tries to teach Eliza, Nigel's daughter, to overcome her "common" Cockney accent and speak "proper" English. He bets Brian that she will be a proper lady at her birthday party. After several sessions, Stewie manages to teach Eliza how to speak "properly". In the party, Eliza does admirably, until she wets herself in front of everybody, slipping back to her Cockney accent and making Stewie lose the bet.

On the night Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland are supposed to be killed by Steve, they are freed by Lois, Bonnie and Loretta before he could arrive. The men and their wives celebrate their success at The Drunken Clam, which Horace has bought back and returned to normal upon returning from Florida, stating that "it stunk." Lois states that she hopes that Nigel gets what he deserves, and that "whatever he gets is too good for him."

Despite the crime being insurance fraud and that Britain banned capital punishment for peacetime offenses in 1998,^[1] Nigel is hanged at the Tower of London back in England, and Eliza gets sent to an orphanage. She sends Stewie a letter threatening to kill Lois if she gets out wanting revenge. Stewie loves it and shows the letter to the fire-breathing insect who voices his approval.

Production

Dan Povenmire directed the episode.

The episode was written by Jim Bernstein and Michael Shipley, and directed by series regular Dan Povenmire before the conclusion of the third production season.

In addition to the regular cast, actor Ed Asner, actress Tara Charendoff, actor Hugh Laurie and actor Alan Shearman guest starred in the episode. Recurring guest voice actors Lori Alan, voice actor Johnny Brennan, writer Danny Smith and actress Jennifer Tilly also made minor appearances.

Cultural references

Stewie's giving lessons to Eliza to combat her Cockney accent is a direct reference to the play and later film My Fair Lady, in which the girl in question is also named Eliza. Also, Seth MacFarlane based Stewie's voice on that of Rex Harrison in the play.^[2][3]

The title is a reference to a line in the poem "Paul Revere's Ride" by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow. According to the poem, lamps were hung in the steeple of Old North Church, Boston, to warn of the British invasion during the Revolutionary War: One lamp if they approached by land, two lamps if by sea.^[4]

References

1. ^ History of Capital Punishment
2. ^ Dean, John (November 1, 2008). "Seth MacFarlane’s $2 Billion Family Guy Empire". Fox Business. http://www.foxbusiness.com/portal/site/fb/menuitem.5b2f8f9bb693bd972f08aa8738d48a0c/?vgnextoid=8e1a04e62a94d110VgnVCM10000086c1a8c0RCRD&redirected=true. Retrieved August 24, 2009. 
3. ^ Franklin, Nancy (January 16, 2006). "American Idiots". The New Yorker. 
4. ^ "The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere". http://www.nationalcenter.org/PaulRevere'sRide.html. Retrieved 2006-05-03. 

• S. Callaghan, “One If by Clam, Two If by Sea.” Family Guy: The Official Episode Guide Seasons 1–3. New York: HarperCollins, 2005. 140–143.

External links

Family Guy portal

Preceded by Mr. Griffin Goes to Washington

Family Guy (season 3)

Succeeded by And the Wiener Is...