Man Laws


Man Laws

Man Laws (Men of the Square Table) are a series of beer commercials for Miller Lite, inspired by the supposed unwritten codes by which men live. In the commercials, the panel discusses a given issue until it decides upon a "Man Law". The "Men of the Square Table" are a parody of King Arthur's Knights of the Round Table. The "Square Table" they congregate around is located in what appears to be a secret, Dr. Strangelove-esque room with glass (probably soundproof) walls. The advertising campaign was a response to negative feedback about prior sexist advertising.[1] The campaign also included a website as well as print advertising.[2]

Contents

Members of the Square Table

In the commercials, it is their job to judge what is manly and what is not manly in common male situations. The panel is composed of important, macho, and famous men.

Among the topics discussed are the proper etiquette for courting a friend's ex-girlfriend, and deciding who rightfully owns Miller Lite brought to parties. The Members of the Square Table are as follows:

Character Real Name
Mr. Binnie Brian Binnie, pilot/astronaut who flew Spaceship One when it won the X Prize
Mr. Bus Jerome Bettis, former Pro Bowl NFL running back of the Pittsburgh Steelers; Super Bowl winner
Mr. de la Hoya Oscar de la Hoya, professional boxer
Mr. Flynn Jackie Flynn, actor/comedian
Mr. Gesner Zen Gesner, actor
Mr. Griffin Eddie Griffin, actor/comedian
Mr. H Triple H, actor/WWE professional wrestler
Mr. Hart Carey Hart, actor/professional motocrosser
Mr. Johnson Jimmy Johnson, former college football and NFL coach.
Mr. Kelly Jim Kelly, Hall of Fame Pro Bowl quarterback formerly of the Buffalo Bills (NFL) and the Houston Gamblers (USFL).
Mr. Markbreit Jerry Markbreit, former NFL referee
Mr. Murray Ty Murray, 7-time All-Around World Rodeo Champion
Mr. Ralston Aron Ralston, A Carnegie Mellon graduate and mountaineer who cut off his own lower arm with a pocket knife when a boulder fell on it while canyoneering
Mr. Renteria Paul Renteria, actor/musician
Mr. Reynolds Burt Reynolds, actor (the Table's apparent "leader")
The Scribe Johnny Holiday, actor

Television advertisements

Problem Posed Man Law Solution
Your best friend is dumped by his girlfriend. How long before you can ask her out? It was suggested to be various short amounts of time, but the idea of dating a friend's ex was thought to be wholly unacceptable by Mr. Reynolds. When asked if the woman was "drop-dead gorgeous," 6 months is agreed upon.
If you bring Miller Lite to a party and not all of it is consumed, can you take the remainder with you as you leave the party? Although the ownership of the beer is transferred upon its placement in the host's cooler, you can take one beer with you IF it will fit in your pocket, aka The Tuck Rule.
What does Man Law say about hugging other guys? This is a curious issue. If hugging a (family) relative that you have not seen in a long time, two hands is appropriate. But if hugging anyone else, a hand shake with the other hand over their shoulder is more than enough.
If a friend gets you a beer from the bar, is it acceptable for the friend to stick his finger in the opening to bring back several beers to the table at once? No. "You poke it, you own it."
When toasting with beer, should you clink with the top or the bottom of the bottle? The Bottom, because clinking the top would swap saliva and thus qualify as kissing.
When a bet is won, when should it be paid out? Immediately. Angel should accept his ridicule for his bet against the holiest of holy basketball teams, The Boston Celtics.
Does someone have to root for a team when watching football? Yes. You must always choose to root for a team.
Wireless phone headsets: pretty cool or technology gone bad? Technology gone bad: Anything that makes you look like a crazy person - not cool. (Mr. Bus completely disagrees.)
Can you put a lime or any other fruit in your beer? No, fruit is completely off limits in beer. If one were to put fruit in a beer, they might as well put a little umbrella in it and call it a "beera colada". Man Law: "Don't Fruit the Beer."
Is it permissible, in the pursuit of humor, to tap the top of another man's beer bottle with the bottom of your beer bottle, causing the other man's beer bottle to fizz over? No, as there are plenty of other things that make us laugh without wasting a drop of beer, like Japanese game shows, Undercover Brother on DVD, and Jimmy Johnson's hair. Man Law: "No wasting beer in the pursuit of humor."
Have football fans become too reliant on the "D-Fence" sign? Yes, however, a continuance has been issued on the "D-Fence" sign, while giving a try-out to the "Off-Fence" sign this season.
Is it acceptable for a man to leave his fellow men in order to leave with his woman? No, however, this ruling can be overturned if she is deemed attractive enough by said fellow men. Most notably, Burt Reynolds, in the case of Mr. Murray's girlfriend, Jewel. (Beforehand, the Men were discussing if it is acceptable for a man to drive a hybrid car. A Man Law was never adopted for this.)
Is it permissible for opponents of a bet to distract one another during the betting event? No. Unless a distraction clause enabling the opponents to distract is placed before said event occurs.
Is it acceptable to leave a game before it ends to beat traffic? No. In a rare double man law it was also deemed unacceptable for a man to bake on game day. This is the one Rodney Blu appears in.
Is it acceptable for a man to use a fake log when real wood is available? No. Real wood must always be used.
Is it acceptable for a wife or girlfriend to store items other than beer in the garage fridge? No. The line is the line - It is the only sovereign territory left.
Is crushing beer cans on your forehead still cool? No. Cans are not as thick as they once were. Crushing one back then was saying something, but now, it's lame.
When down by one, do you go for the tie or the win? The win. Men go for it.
Is it time to retire the High Five? Yes, the High Five is being overused, but it is given a continuance until a replacement is found.
Can you be a fan of more than one team? No, you can "LIKE" as many teams as you want, but only a be fan of just one.
Is it permissible to enjoy feminine music or chick flicks? No, unless an attractive woman personally okays it chick flicks are for chicks.
Is it acceptable to hide Miller Lite somewhere in your fridge? While most of the men agree with it, Triple H insists that "Sharing is Caring."
After your buddies leave beer at your house, how long is it before it becomes your beer? All beer must be claimed within 24 hours or it becomes property of the house owner. If you asked yourself "What about other alcohol?" remember the only kinds of alcohol are beer and more beer.
Can a man ever get a manicure or a pedicure? Um..Duh! Any man that does this, even if guilted by their women, has to surrender their man card immediately.
Is it acceptable to use the word "cute" when describing another man or couple? No. And all such violations shall incur a 20 man-point penalty from the spot of the foul.
It's raining No. unless you're walking with a woman you MAY NOT hold an umbrella.

Demise

The Miller Brewing Co. unveiled a new football-related advertising campaign to effectively replace the Man Law ads starting the week of September 2, 2007, to coincide with the start of the 2007 NFL Regular Season. The title is More Taste League (MTL) and these ads consist of actor John C. McGinley portraying The Commish of beer to protect Miller Lite's status as the beer of choice. Miller has signed a new agency to handle their TV and radio ads, with the first ones to be unveiled during this time.[3]

Popular culture

  • The ex-girlfriend rule was referenced in the episode "Both Sides Now" of Power Rangers: Operation Overdrive. Blue Ranger Dax Lo complained about fellow Ranger Will Aston's defection to a female enemy that was once his romantic interest in a previous episode. When their female comrades were taken aback by the comment, Dax and Red Ranger Mack Hartford looked at each other, then at the girls, simply stating "Man Law". The girls rolled their eyes in response.
  • In a recent taping[when?] of The New Yankee Workshop, handyman Norm Abram says "Remember to watch your fingers when you're working a mitre box... Man Law."
  • For Gator Growl 2007 at the University of Florida, videos shown to fans featured a professor, a marching band member, a fan and Tim Tebow making "Gator Laws" similar to the Man Law ads. Gator Laws decided on included no cheering for other SEC teams unless it helps the Gators in the polls, it is never acceptable to cheer for FSU[clarification needed], never skip class on Friday for the games on Saturday and body paint on large stomachs is completely acceptable as larger stomachs provide more area to use.
  • In Stephen King's 2008 book, Duma Key, Edgar, the main character, sticks his cut finger in a bottle of hydrogen peroxide rather than dabbing it on the wound. Another character, Jack, grimaces and says "Man-law", to which Edgar replies, "Not unless you were planning to drink it", presumably referencing the "you poke it, you own it" law.

References


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