Triangular theory of love

Not to be confused with Love triangle.

The triangular theory of love is a theory of love developed by psychologist Robert Sternberg. In the context of interpersonal relationships, 'the three components of love, according to the triangular theory, are an intimacy component, a passion component, and a decision/commitment component'.^[1]

1. Intimacy – Which encompasses feelings of attachment, closeness, connectedness, and bondedness.
2. Passion – Which encompasses drives connected to both limerence and sexual attraction.
3. Commitment – Which encompasses, in the short term, the decision to remain with another, and in the long term, the shared achievements and plans made with that other.

'The amount of love one experiences depends on the absolute strength of these three components, and the type of love one experiences depends on their strengths relative to each other'.^[2] Different stages and types of love can be explained as different combinations of these three elements; for example, the relative emphasis of each component changes over time as an adult romantic relationship develops. A relationship based on a single element is less likely to survive than one based on two or three elements.

Forms of love

Combinations of intimacy, passion, commitment   Intimacy Passion Commitment Nonlove       Liking/friendship x     Infatuated love   x   Empty love     x Romantic love x x   Companionate love x   x Fatuous love   x x Consummate love x x x

The three components, pictorially labeled on the vertices of a triangle, interact with each other and with the actions they produce so as to form seven different kinds of love experiences (nonlove is not represented). The size of the triangle functions to represent the "amount" of love - the bigger the triangle, the greater the love. The shape of the triangle functions to represent the "style" of love, which may vary over the course of the relationship:

• Nonlove 'refers simply to the absence of all three components of love. Nonlove characterizes the large majority of our personal relationships, which are simply casual interactions'.^[3]

• Liking/friendship is 'used here in a nontrivial sense. Rather, it refers to the set of feelings one experiences in relationships that can truly be characterized as friendship. One feels closeness, bondedness, and warmth toward the other, without feelings of intense passion or long-term commitment'.^[4]

• Infatuated love: 'infatuation results from the experiencing of passionate arousal in the absence of intimacy and decision/commitment...like Tennov's limerance'.^[5] Romantic relationships often start out as infatuated love and become romantic love as intimacy develops over time. Without developing intimacy or commitment, infatuated love may disappear suddenly.

• Empty love is characterized by commitment without intimacy or passion. A stronger love may deteriorate into empty love. In an arranged marriage, the spouses' relationship may begin as empty love and develop into another form, indicating 'how empty love need not be the terminal state of a long-term relationship...[but] the beginning rather than the end'.^[6]

• Romantic love 'derives from a combination of the intimate and passionate components of love...romantic lovers are not only drawn physically to each other but are also bonded emotionally'^[7] - bonded both intimately and passionately, but without sustaining commitment.

• Companionate love is an intimate, non-passionate type of love that is stronger than friendship because of the element of long-term commitment. 'This type of love is observed in long-term marriages where passion is no longer present'^[8] but where a deep affection and commitment remain. The love ideally shared between family members is a form of companionate love, as is the love between close friends who have a platonic but strong friendship.

• Fatuous love can be exemplified by a whirlwind courtship and marriage - 'fatuous in the sense that a commitment is made on the basis of passion without the stabilizing influence of intimate involvement'.^[9]

• Consummate love is the complete form of love, representing an ideal relationship toward which people strive. Of the seven varieties of love, consummate love is theorized to be that love associated with the “perfect couple.” According to Sternberg, these couples will continue to have great sex fifteen years or more into the relationship, they cannot imagine themselves happier over the long-term with anyone else, they overcome their few difficulties gracefully, and each delight in the relationship with one other.^[10] However, Sternberg cautions that maintaining a consummate love may be even harder than achieving it. He stresses the importance of translating the components of love into action. "Without expression," he warns, "even the greatest of loves can die".^[11] Thus, consummate love may not be permanent. If passion is lost over time, it may change into companionate love.

Criticism

Sternberg's triangular theory has been placed within the context of 'a broader interest in taxonomising that has now become a major feature of the field'^[12] of personal relationships. The danger is perhaps that (at its worst) such an approach may verge on compulsive thinking: 'compulsive thinking is abstract thinking...general, directed towards systematization and categorization; it is theoretical instead of real'.^[13] Its protagonists' need 'to try to dominate with the intellect, to keep control - to "overstand" - is the very thing which prevents these folks from allowing themselves..to grow in all those directions connected with feeling, where they're not so developed'.^[14]

Love, actually, may be one of those areas of life where 'success depends upon "tacit knowledge," i.e., upon knowledge that is acquired through practice and that cannot be articulated explicitly'.^[15] Nevertheless, 'the strength of Sternberg's triangular theory of love is that it is elegantly simple and flexible'.^[16]

See also

• Carte de Tendre
• Love styles
• Psychological theories of love
• Scientific models of love
• Lovemap

References

1. ^ Robert J. Sternberg, "Triangulating Love", in T. J. Oord ed. The Altruism Reader (2007) p. 332
2. ^ Robert J. Sternberg, "A Triangular Theory of Love", in H. T. Reis/C. E. Rusbult eds., Close Relationships (2004) p. 258
3. ^ Sternberg, in Close Relationships p. 266
4. ^ Sternberg, in Close Relationships p. 267
5. ^ Sternberg, in Close Relationships p. 268
6. ^ Sternberg, in Close Rerlationships p. 268
7. ^ Sternberg, in Close Realationships p. 268
8. ^ J. B. Ashford et al, Human Behavior in the Social Environment (2009) p. 498
9. ^ Sternberg, in Close Relationships p. 268
10. ^ "Cupid's Arrow - the Course of Love through Time" by Robert Sternberg. Publisher: Cambridge University Press (1998) ISBN 0-521-47893-6
11. ^ Robert J. Sternberg, "Liking versus Loving" Psychological Bulletin (1987) p. 341
12. ^ Robin Goodwin, Personal Relationships across Cultures (1999) p. 12
13. ^ Otto Fenichel, The Psychoanalytic Theory of Neurosis (London 1946) p. 297
14. ^ R. Skynner/J. Cleese, Life and how to survive it (1994) p. 364
15. ^ Thomas Kuhn, The Structure of Scientific Revolutions (1970)p. 44
16. ^ E. Kennedy-Moore/J. C. Watson, Expressing Emotion (2001) p. 138

Further Reading

• Sternberg, Robert J. (1986). "A triangular theory of love". Psychological Review 93 (2): 119–135. doi:10.1037/0033-295X.93.2.119. http://content2.apa.org/journals/rev/93/2/119. Retrieved 2007-06-27. 
• Sternberg, Robert J. (1987). Liking versus loving: A comparative evaluation of theories. Psychological Bulletin. pp. 331–345. 
• Sternberg, Robert J. (1988). The Triangle of Love: Intimacy, Passion, Commitment. New York: Basic Books. ISBN 0-465-08746-9. 
• Brehm, Sharon S. (2007). Intimate Relationships. New York: McGraw-Hill. ISBN 0-07-293801-3.