Brother Theodore

Brother Theodore (11 November 1906 - 5 April 2001) was a German monologuist and comedian known for rambling, stream of consciousness dialogues which he called "stand up tragedy." He was born Theodore Gottlieb into a wealthy family in Düsseldorf, Germany, where his father was a magazine publisher. Theodore attended the University of Cologne. At age 32, under Nazi rule, he was imprisoned at the Dachau concentration camp until he signed over his family's fortune for one Reichsmark. After being deported for chess hustling from Switzerland he went to Austria where Albert Einstein, a family friend and alleged lover of his mother, helped him escape to the United States. He worked as a janitor at Stanford University, a dockworker in San Francisco and played a bit part in Orson Welles' "The Stranger" before moving to New York City, allegedly due to Welles having an unhealthy attraction to his wife.

Brother Theodore made a number of movie appearances beginning in the 1940s and continuing into the 1990s. These roles were mostly small parts in B-movies, although he did provide the voice of Gollum in the 1977 made-for-television animated version of "The Hobbit" and the follow-up adaptation of "The Return of the King". Talk-show viewers probably remember Theodore for his 16 appearances on NBC's "Late Night with David Letterman" in the '80s and, prior to that, his appearances on "The Merv Griffin Show" and "The Joey Bishop Show" in the '60s and '70s. In the early 1980s, he was a regular on the "Billy Crystal Show". Up until the late 1990s, he was a guest actor in several episodes of radio show on NPR. An article on Theodore appeared in RAVE magazine (with color photos) and segments from it are in the book "Who's Who in Comedy". Just prior to his death from pneumonia, he taped several monologues for the controversial documentary series, "Disinformation". Brother Theodore died in New York City in 2001.

Quotes

* "I am in the prime of my senility."
* "Ladies and gentlemen, it is my sincere wish that immediately after my death, my head be severed from my body, and that it be replaced by a bouquet of broccoli. It's the artist in me."
* "I've gazed into the abyss and the abyss gazed into me, and neither of us liked what we saw."
* "In this best of all possible worlds, everything is in a hell of a mess."
* Going into surgery: "If I die, best wishes for the rest of your life. If I don't—I'll phone you."
* "The best thing is not to be born. But who is as lucky as that? To whom does it happen? Not to one among millions and millions of people."
* "Dear God, if you exist, please help me! And if you don't exist…help me anyway!"
* "What do we know about the beyond? Do we know what's behind the beyond? I'm afraid some of us hardly know what's beyond the behind."
* "The only thing that keeps me alive is the hope of dying young."
* "I should have known better than to sell roses in a fish market!"
* "You can train a rat. Yes, if you work for hours and days and months and years, you "can" train a rat. But when you're done, all you'll have is a "trained rat"!"
* "One day, David Letterman, one day my picture will be on every postage stamp...!"
* "I am what you call a "controversial figure". People either hate me or they despise me."
* "There are those who would rather shake the Devil by the tail than me by the hand."
* "I'm looking for a rich widow of 13, the perfect portable mistress."
* "All the great spiritual leaders are dead .... Moses is dead .... Muhammed is dead .... Buddha is dead .... and I'm not feeling so hot myself!"
* "Her hair was of a dank yellow, and fell over her temples like sauerkraut, her face was sweaty like a chunk of rancid pork..."
* "What this country needs, and I'm not joking, is a dictator. I feel the time is right, and the place congenial, and I am ready. I will be strict but just. Heads will roll, and corpses will swing from every lamppost."
* "My mumsy and my popsy both died years before I was born, and my sister and my uncle were identical twins, which is probably more than you can say for yourself!"
* "My name, as you may have guessed, is Theodore. I come from a strange stock. The members of my family were mostly epileptics, vegetarians, stutterers, triplets, nailbiters. But we've always been happy." (original 1955 version of this routine)
* "I come from extremely bad stock. The members of my family were mostly punks. Punks, blockheads, fishwives, vegetarians, triplets, nail biters. But I've always been happy." (1980s version as performed on David Letterman's show.)
* "Only what we have lost forever do we possess forever. Only when we have drunk from the river of darkness can we truly see. Only when our legs have rotted off can we truly dance. As long as there is death, there is hope"
* "(She is so ugly)...she makes Bella Abzug look like an airline hostess!"
* "The bad hospitals let you die. And the good hospitals KILL YOU!"
* "My friends, I am here tonight to show you the way. I am here tonight to share a great truth with you. I am here tonight to de-hypnotize you, to free you from a deadly collective obsession. And a voice for those who dare not speak and a cry for hearts that suffer in silence, and I'm here tonight to tell you what needs to be told. I feel an itch for public service, and I want to "scratch" it! So listen to me with your mouth wide open, and try to "prophet" (profit) on what you hear!":"-Introduction to "Coral Records Presents...Theodore (in Stereo)"
* "(on his legacy)" "I want to known for something that I consider good, but I don't know what it is."
* "(on the method of his madness)" "I don't want to sit here and wait for death. I have to take the risk [, and] do something. So I let my subconscious, in some way, [take] over, knowing full well the subconscious is nothing else but expertise that you become unaware of."

Films

*

Television appearances

* "The Joey Bishop Show": 10/31/1967, 11/8/1967 [dates needed]
* "The Merv Griffin Show": [dates needed]
* "The Tomorrow Show with Tom Snyder": 10/31/1977
* "Late Night with David Letterman" (NBC): 9/10/1982, 10/20/1982, 2/3/1983, 5/19/1983, 7/8/1983, 9/7/1983, 2/21/1984, 5/16/1984, 9/17/1984, 12/19/1984, 7/8/1985, 10/31/1985, 9/17/1986, 7/24/1987, 1/13/1988, 2/17/1989 [http://groups.google.com/group/alt.fan.letterman Source:alt.fan.letterman]

Radio appearances

* Joe Frank's radio shows. Episodes: "The Decline of Spengler", "The End", "A Tour of the City", "Black Light"

* Steve Post's "The Outside" radio show on WBAI in New York during the 1960s and 70s.

* [http://www.bobclaster.com Bob Claster's "Funny Stuff"] on KCRW in Santa Monica, September 24, 1989.

References

* Martin, Douglas (April 6, 2001). [http://www.nytimes.com/2001/04/06/obituaries/06THEO.html?ex=1217736000&en=7749005739e7b887&ei=5070 "Theodore Gottlieb, Dark Comedian, Dies at 94"] . "The New York Times". Retrieved on 2008-08-01.
* Adams, Kathleen; August, Melissa; Hartwell, Randy; Martens, Ellin; Pierro, Joseph; Song, Sora (April 16, 2001). [http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,999698,00.html "Milestones"] . "Time Magazine". Retrieved on 2008-08-01.

External links

*imdb name|id=0857475|name=Brother Theodore