List of Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps characters

The following is a list of characters for the British sitcom Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps written by Susan Nickson and broadcast by the BBC. The first series began on 26 February 2001 with the final ninth series being broadcast in May 2011.

Main characters

Gaz Wilkinson

• Played by: Will Mellor

Gary "Gaz" Wilkinson: born in 1981, Gaz has two sisters (Julie and Tasha) and a half-brother, Munch. He works as a mechanic at Brindley Autos, originally owned by his father until he sells it to Donna. Gaz is a stereotypical "blokey bloke" who likes football, (supporting Manchester City FC), and also beer, sex, Hollyoaks^[1] and Monarch of the Glen. He is an avid collector and user of pornography and has a phobia of sheep, believing them to be evil. In a late series 5 episode, Gaz and Donna plan to move to a house in Knowsley, but on a visit to check out the house he spots a sheep in the field and is too terrified to want to live there anymore. In the episode when Donna moves into Gaz's flat, she notices that Gaz has some very strange habits, such as when he is making toast he will only use bread from the middle of the loaf as the rest is apparently 'haunted'. This is also the episode when it is revealed that Gaz is scared of sheep. This is discovered when Donna overhears him singing while he brushes his teeth: "Bringing in the sheep, Bringing in the sheep, What do we do before we sleep? We bring in all the sheep..." When asked why he sings the song he says it's so that he doesn't dream about sheep, because they scare him. His favourite books include The Lust of the Mohicans, Pleasure Island, Macbiff and The Count Of Monte Cristo (although the cover doesn't actually say "Count"). He is the person responsible for splitting up Jonny and Kate, much to the happiness of Janet. At one point, he cheats on Donna by sleeping with Janet. This secret is kept quiet for a while, until he accidentally reveals his betrayal to Donna one night in bed. After this, he and Donna split up for a while, until they get back together after he is involved in a road accident. Gaz finds out he has a low sperm count after deciding to become a sperm donor because he feels broody; this supposedly proves that Jonny is Corinthian Keogh's father. He proposes to Donna numerous times throughout Series 6 before the two of them finally get engaged, and they eventually marry in Series 7. After the marriage, Louise finds out that Gaz is Corinthian's real father and, despite trying to keep it secret, informs him, to his delight; but she decides not to tell Janet, who is still dealing with the loss of Jonny. Gaz and Janet finally realise they belong together, and at the end of series 7, Donna leaves them to be happy together. In series 8, Donna returns and Gaz is happy with Janet, but cannot resist having sex with Donna for old times' sake; eventually, Janet and Donna give him an ultimatum to choose between them. Gaz decides that he loves Donna after all, and drives to her, crashing a car on the way. He wakes up in hospital, to find Donna at his bedside. This result was chosen by viewers in an online poll. In series 9, Gaz is in a wheelchair following the car accident, after a year-long coma. Throughout the next series Gaz struggles to comes to terms with being disabled and tells Donna that he will walk again; with a little help from her he manages to take his first steps. In the final episode, Gaz turns 30 and realising he has never been outside Runcorn he decides to travel the world with Donna. She, however, finding out she may have cancer, tells Gaz she won't be coming with him, but doesn't tell him the reason. Gaz then says an emotional farewell to her at the airport before leaving to start his new life.

Donna Henshaw

• Played by: Natalie Casey

Donna Louise Henshaw was conceived in a Ford Capri and born in 1980; after a long relationship she marries Gaz Wilkinson. She has a GCSE in Music, and is the brazen, sexually precocious one of the group. She dislikes vegetarian students and thin people who diet (however, she very much disliked Gaz when he was fat). She is also known to have a vicious temper, and once killed an ex-boyfriend's budgie. Donna has a younger sister, Katie, and an estranged younger brother, Dion; there's apparently another younger, unnamed brother who is only seen in the episode "Spunk". Her mother Flo, to whom she was very close, dies after being run over by a truck. She is estranged from her father. Donna is employed for a time by O'Connor's Plastics selling buckets, rising to become a very well-paid executive until she is sacked after stealing and crashing a company van. Donna and Gaz briefly split after Donna finds out that Gaz had a one night stand with best friend Janet; she then goes to great lengths to hide the fact she still has feelings for him including considering plastic surgery and convincing herself she has to have Gaz's help when Jonny and Janet go missing on their wedding day. They eventually get back together again after Gaz is involved in a road accident, when she finally admits that she loves him. She proposes to Gaz at the end of Series 6, after rejecting his earlier proposal to her, and they finally marry in Series 7. Donna works at the Archer after taking over the manager's position from Tim Claypole, but seeking to move onwards, finally gets a job in London, leaves Gaz and reveals she has met a man called 'Wesley', with whom she returns in Series 8. At the end of the series, however, Gaz chooses to be with Donna over Janet. The ninth series sees Donna struggling to adapt to her new life without Janet and Louise and looking after Gaz. In the series finale after Gaz realises after celebrating his 30th birthday that he has never left Runcorn he decides to travel the world with Donna but after finding out she may have cancer she tells Gaz she wont be coming with him but doesnt tell him the reason why. Gaz then says an emotional farewell to Donna at the airport before leaving to start his new life.

Janet Smith/Keogh

• Played by: Sheridan Smith (Series 1–8)

Born 25 June 1982, she has GCSEs in P.E. and Home Economics and is the homely girl of the group who loves "things that go bleep bleep", Cheeky Vimto, cigarettes, Coronation Street and - unlike Jonny - rich tea biscuits. Janet initially works in Sayers' (Hampson's) Bakery until she beats Donna for the position of manager of The Archer, shortly before it is closed down by Health and Safety inspectors. Janet and Jonny are together from Series 1 and she has always tried to remain loyal to him. However, she kisses her ex-boyfriend Andy outside the Archer during Series 2, only to be caught by Gaz and Louise; when engaged to Jonny she realises that she doesn't love him any more and dumps him. This leads to jealousy when Jonny finds a new girlfriend, Kate. During this time, Janet has a one night stand with Gaz after both are feeling unloved, but are discovered by Louise; she later reveals this during a flashback. Janet manages to persuade Jonny to go back to her and they marry in Series 5. She later gives birth to a child, "Corinthian McVitie Keogh".^[2] In Series 7, Jonny's death affects her greatly and her sense of loss results in her attempting to seduce Gaz's half-brother Munch; she also allows Louise to move in with her. Eventually she realises that she loves Gaz, and Donna's departure for London leaves them together. However, at the end of the eighth series, Gaz chooses to be with Donna over Janet. By series 9, after Gaz wakes up from his year long coma, Janet has taken Corinthian and moved away to Milton Keynes.

Jonny Keogh

• Played by: Ralf Little (Series 1–6)

Born 30 June 1981,^[3] Jonny is a devoted husband to Janet Smith.

He loves daytime television (especially Through the Keyhole, LK Today, This Morning and As Time Goes By), eating cat food as he "just can't resist those meaty chunks in jelly", desiccated coconut, carpets (because they're "nice"), egg butties, Bovril^[4] and his six o'clock sandwich. He has a fetish for biscuits - mostly Jammie Dodgers but cannot decide whether Kit Kats are a chocolate or a biscuit. Jonny's obsession for biscuits is shown in many episodes.

Jonny is a keen fan of Liverpool FC, has a secret obsession with the film Titanic and also enjoys cartoons such as ThunderCats^[5] and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, as he watched them as a child. Despite being married to Janet and having a son, Jonny frequently struggles to deal with his feminine side (according to Janet his "big cockmunching side"); Jonny nearly punches Janet when she calls him "a big gay" after she began to push him around because she was sick of it.

Sheridan Smith has said that Susan Nickson intended Jonny to become more gay as time passed, but Ralf Little was not keen on this; however he went along with it. Nickson herself claims that she was only exposing Ralf's "latent homosexuality".^[6] Jonny is unemployed throughout the series except for brief periods of time and once describes himself to Gaz as a "lazy gobshite", for a time receiving more on Jobseeker's Allowance than Donna earns. He is killed off-screen in the first episode of series 7, "When Jonny met Sharky". Following his death, Janet has an odd stone-like form of his body made, and still has the head in her home.

Louise Brooks

• Played by: Kathryn Drysdale (Series 1–8)

Louise Susannah Brooks, born in 1981, is initially seen as a student of sociology, although she is in one episode seen as a trainee social worker. She is desperate to find the perfect man and loves horoscopes, Coronation Street, collecting Sylvanian Families, balloon animals, Steps and the Disney Store. She dislikes old people and fears getting old. She is childish, selfish, naive, insensitive and deters most men she meets. Louise has a high-pitched voice: Kelly the barmaid claims that Louise's voice "chills her to the bones" and that she is a "squeaky biffa", and Donna has called her a "squeaky little twatbag". She discovers that she is adopted later on in the series; her adoptive mother is a "depressed maniac" who sits in her nightie looking at the fridge all day. She eventually meets her birth mother and her husband (initially, she mistakenly believes him to be her real father) before tracking down her birth father, Brian, who turns out to be a gay alcoholic conman. She has also mentioned an "Auntie Nigel" on more than one occasion, who is supposedly a psychopath. Louise is a snobby person who neither respects, nor even wants to look at Jonny (who, in one episode, thinks she tastes like lard), although at one point she stated that she liked him "in a way". Louise even got "dull" Jonny shot once: when she took a job at the Office for National Statistics, she changed his profile on the computer to that of a serious armed criminal (and Thailand's tallest prostitute) to make it less boring. This later resulted in Jonny being shot in the knee in the grounds of Halton Castle for which Louise was arrested and charged with "incitement to GBH". She had a brief stint as the manager of the Sayers' bakery in which Janet worked, but was eventually fired after sacking all of her employees. Near the end of the sixth series, it is revealed that Louise is pregnant and that Donna's younger brother, Dion, is the father. In series seven she resides with Janet and Corinthian and has found out that she is carrying a baby girl; this disappoints her as she fears the baby girl may be "prettier" than she is. In the last episode of series 7 she gives birth, somewhat assisted by Munch, and names the baby "Louise Louise Brooks". In series 8 Louise is seen at first struggling to bond and care for her baby until Tim & Janet reassure her she will be a great Mum and that she will always have their support. In episode 7 Louise meets her new popstar boyfriend, Scott Chegg. By series 9, she's left the show and 'joined that weird moon-worshipping cult'.

Billy McCormack

• Played by: Freddie Hogan (Series 9)

Metrosexual scouser Billy is dying to be a professional footballer - but in the meantime, he's a carer, and a rather enthusiastic one at that, and can always be seen saying "Alright babe". Billy is very open about his feelings and starts off in the show as a carer for the newly wheelchair-using Gaz, and just wants Gaz to like him, but then Billy says thinks such as "suck my cock" and it doesn't impress Gaz. He proves himself to be a hero and loyal friend to Gaz and Donna when their flat is burnt down and he saves them and Gaz's wheelchair, affirming a solid friendship with them. Gaz tries to repay him by getting him a chance to be a footballer, but Billy just gets "pissed" instead. Billie later falls for Cassie and they start a relationship which is almost ended in the final episode when Cassie has to choose between him and her ex.

Cassie Claypole

• Played by: Georgia Henshaw (Series 9)

Cassie's a trouble-maker. More than that, in fact; she's only just been released from a Young Offenders' Institution. She's Tim's sister, and although he'd rather like it if she left The Archer, her old school crush, Billy, is a regular, so there's no way she's going anywhere. Cassie is a sarcastic character and is often cruel to her brother and everyone around her, yet if the love of her life Billy pays her a shred of a compliment, she turns into screaming girl. She uses dozens of attempts to impress Billy, such as dressing up as Lady Gaga, which is an epic fail and doing what Gaz says because he can get Billy to "shag" her. In episode 4, she goes on a date with Billy which is unsuccessful. She then realises Billy likes to be bossed about, they then begin a relationship. In the final episode Cassie's ex boyfriend turns up at The Archer with Cassie having to choose who to be with. to go back to her ex and her bad way or to stay with Billie and start a new life. Cassie ends up choosing Billie.

Tim Claypole

• Played by: Luke Gell (Series 7–9)

Tim Claypole (who shares his name with the mischievous and delightfully camp jester Timothy Claypole from the 1980s kids' TV show Rentaghost) is the new bar manager of The Archer at the start of Series 7. He turns it into a theme pub, although the only evidence of the John Barrowman theme is a single framed photograph. He temporarily employs Janet as a barmaid before hiring Donna, who soon takes over his position as manager. Although appearing to be gay, he maintains that he is happily married to a rugby-playing wife named Helena, and has children. In series 8 Tim is more involved with the gang in helping solve their problems such as telling Donna to stay away from Gaz, to move on with her new boyfriend Wesley and to let Gaz start his new life with Janet & Corinthian. By series 9, Tim has given the Archer a make-over and has made peace with his best friends Gaz and Donna, but then his younger sister Cassie arrives into his life and causes chaos. With the arrival of his sister and all the changes in his life, Tim reveals that Helena has left him and he is gay. He later meets a new love interest.

Munch Wilkinson

• Played by: Lee Oakes (Series 3–5, 7)

"Munch" (whose real name is never revealed) appears one day at the garage where Gaz works, and turns out to be his long-lost half-brother. Gaz discovers that he's "a bit of a yoghurt" and is not allowed to hang around people too much. Munch would love to have a girlfriend but has to make do with the 'girl with sick on her' every Friday night. He develops a fixation for Donna after stumbling across her waiting for Gaz while wearing her kinky nurse's outfit. His attempts to attract women are usually unsuccessful due to his social ineptness- he once asked a "desperate" woman in The Archer if she'd like to "see his knob". He did, however, have a very brief relationship with Kelly the barmaid. Munch likes Vimto (according to him it is "big, clever and purple, like the prime minister" and "a really mellow high" - believing it to be alcoholic), salt and vinegar chipsticks, brown sauce and stale bread sandwiches. He often calls Gaz "Mr Wilkinson", and claims that he has "Munch magic", and it appears his sole talent is to make defunct car engines work. Munch disappears after the series 5 episode "Fat", but returns in series 7, appearing to have found God while in Birmingham. An irate Gaz forces him to drink a glass of Vimto and he reverts to the Munch of old. In the last episode of series 7, he helps Louise give birth to a baby girl in the Archer, and is led to believe the baby is called "Louise Munch Brooks", when the child is actually called "Louise Louise Brooks". He does not appear in the programme again following this.

Flo Henshaw

• Played by: Beverley Callard (Series 1–3)

Flo Henshaw (13 January 1959 - 1 January 2005) is Donna's mother, and nicknames herself "the thinking man's strumpet". She has also modelled for top shelf magazines such as 'Readers Wives' and 'Pregnant Mums', being unashamedly keen on sex. Early in the series, she shows interest in Gaz, who finds this worrying, and on one occasion is caught by Jonny in suspicious circumstances with Janet's father. However, she offers Donna useful advice when things are not going well with Gaz. She does not appear in series 4 (Callard had by this time returned to her role in Coronation Street), and by the start of series 5 she has been killed in a traffic accident. Donna finds out that all the "uncles" she had were actually Flo's lovers. Flo is still mentioned throughout the series after her death and in series 5 Donna moved back to her mum's home after briefly splitting with Gaz before selling it at the end of the series.

Kelly Crabtree

• Played by: Hayley Bishop (Series 4–6)

Kelly is first seen working at the local Sayers' Bakery, where she is a sycophantic lackey to Louise, without any self-confidence. Later in the series, she is the regular barmaid at The Archer and has become voraciously promiscuous, even with the elderly pub regulars, particularly Arthur. She even has a brief relationship with Munch, but leaves him jammed into a playground swing. When she is denied the job of manager, she remains in the Archer, but working for Janet, and is last seen smothered by crisp wrappers in the final episode of series 6.

Kate

• Played by: Alison Mac (Series 4)

Kate is a temporary barmaid at The Archer and becomes Jonny's new girlfriend after he has split up with Janet. Having a lot in common with Jonny, especially his love of biscuits, she and Jonny are almost constantly having sex. None of the others are fond of her, and after Gaz tries to seduce her to break up their relationship, she resolves to take Jonny away from them and they leave Janet's house together. However, Jonny quickly dumps her when Kate asks him to leave his beer behind. Kate is possessive towards Jonny and her attitude to his friends is patronising. She does a wicked parody of them, particularly Janet, to show Jonny how pathetic they are. Janet is hurt because the parody is so true.

Wesley Presley

• Played by: Thomas Nelstrop (Series 8)

Wesley is Donna's London boyfriend whom she met off-screen during series 7; a business-man turned market trader, he moves to Runcorn in series 8 to be with Donna, demanding that she divorces Gaz. But after advice from Gaz as to how to integrate into the culture of Runcorn, he takes it all too seriously and is tasered by Janet. He gives Janet a job on his market stall, selling Val Doonican CDs and other things. He appears for the last time in the musical special, where he states that he "came here [to Runcorn] with Donna, but he stays for the pasties." He is a father, though Donna is not aware of this.

David Fish

• Played by: Jonathon Dutton (Series 3–4)

In series three Louise gets a valentine card from a secret admirer who turns out to be a geeky guy from her schooldays who has turned into a rather good-looking bloke. He has a pseudo-Australian accent since he has been living in Melbourne for the last eight years and is now a student in the area. He performs well on their first night together but not at all the next night, due to exhaustion and (according to him) the "friction burns on [his] cock". He had also had a one night stand with Donna a year previously, which upsets Louise and causes her to have a grudge against Donna for a while. David is something of a "new-age" man, being interested in self-help books and t'ai chi. He is eventually dumped by Louise as she thinks he is a "pretentious drongo". He then speaks to Donna, observed by Gaz and Jonny, and convinces her to become a student in series 4.

Corinthian Keogh

• Played by: Lewis Vilamor (Series 5),^[7] Jamie and Zoe Ryde-Weller (Series 6),^[8][9] Thea and Sophia Perry, Alfie and Harvie Walters (Series 7), Charlee and Neo Hall, Gabriel and Ethan Claasen (Series 8)

Corinthian McVitie Keogh is the son of Gaz Wilkinson and Janet Keogh. He is born during series 5, nine months after Janet slept with Gaz. The baby's middle name reflects Jonny Keogh's love of biscuits, McVitie's being a biscuit brand. Although Jonny raises him as his own until his death, Corinthian's paternity is initially uncertain. Gaz attempts to claim him in series 6, but doubts he is the father after his low sperm count is revealed. However, in series 7 a DNA test finally reveals Gaz to be the father. Gaz decides not to inform Janet of this, as she sees Corinthian as a reminder of Jonny. In Series 8, the episode "Gazman" finds Gaz applying to the family court for parental responsibility for Corinthian, but Corinthian moves away with his mother Janet before the beginning of the ninth series.

Minor characters

• Pete Smith (Rob Jarvis) - Pete is Janet's father; he is protective of her and does not approve of Jonny. He is introduced in series 3 when, offscreen, he refuses Jonny's request to marry Janet, and is first seen in the episode "Hospikal" when he is inveigled into agreeing to pay for the wedding after all (after Jonny discovers that Pete is having an affair with Flo). A down-to earth scouser from Toxteth, he works as a builder and plays darts for his local pub team. In Series 4, in the episode "Homeless and Horny", he throws Jonny out of the house he and Janet live in after they break up; this is his last appearance in the series.
• Andy (Oliver Boot)- Janet's previous boyfriend. Janet bumps into him again in series two and they kiss. This leads to nothing, but Jonny is jealous and confronts Andy in his home in the final episode. While there, Jonny steals a ring from Andy which he later uses to propose to Janet. Louise goes out with Andy in the first episode of series three, attracted by his wealth, but he leaves her in the restaurant to pay the bill.
• Phillip (Alan Westaway) - Phillip is Donna's university tutor, and is self-confident, but arrogant; he tries to persuade Donna to have sex with him in return for good essay marks. Gaz finds out about the arrangement and confronts Phillip while he and Donna are having brunch; this cures Gaz's impotence.
• Arthur - Arthur is the most persistent regular at The Archer, appearing in many scenes but never speaking. He has sex with Kelly on several occasions, and once kisses Jonny in an experiment to find out whether Jonny is really gay. At the beginning of series seven, he has recorded some soundbites, not all of them appropriate, for Louise, to help her over her vocal problem. He appears up until the final episode in series 9, his last significant moment being having his head stuck to the table by Cassie so she can watch him struggle.
• Dion (Robert Hartley)- Dion is Donna's younger brother. An unpleasant teenager, his only appearance is in the series six episode "Closing Time", in which Gaz agrees to look after him against Donna's wishes. However, it appears that he has had sex with Louise during her earlier "alcoholism" and is the father of her baby. Donna implies to Gaz that she has asked Dion to move in with them, but by series seven he has moved to Bolton.
• Brian (Colin McFarlane) - Brian is Louise's natural father, and when she is given a photograph of him is horrified to discover that he "...wears socks with sandals!" He is traced by Louise, using only the angle from which the photograph has been taken—and the address written on its back. When they meet in The Archer for the first time, it becomes clear that Brian is a con-man. When Jonny turns up, Brian takes a shine to him, and it is obvious that Brian is gay. Jonny eventually realises this and rejects Brian, who also reveals that he is an alcoholic.
• Louise Louise Brooks (Gracie Eve and Amelie Rose Pelta) - Louise has a baby with Donna's younger brother Dion, and names her Louise Louise Brooks because she is beautiful. She told Munch that as he was her birthing partner, the baby would be named Louise Munch Brooks, but she was lying.

References

1. ^ In an in-joke, Will Mellor was one of the original main cast members of Hollyoaks, playing Jambo Bolton.
2. ^ Jonny thought of the name, showing his obsession with biscuits, though his favourites - Jammie Dodgers - are made by Burtons
3. ^ however in the episode "Filthy Brunching" his birthdate is shown as 26th October on the file deleted by Louise
4. ^ A beef tea
5. ^ the theme tune of which was his "favourite lullaby"
6. ^ "Two Pints of Lager Outtakes". Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps. 2008-03-09.
7. ^ Lewis Vilamor at the Internet Movie Database
8. ^ Jamie Ryde-Weller at the Internet Movie Database
9. ^ Zoe Ryde-Weller at the Internet Movie Database

External links

• Character Profiles at bbc.co.uk
• Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps at the Internet Movie Database