Twas the Nut Before Christmas

"Twas the Nut Before Christmas" is an episode from the fifth season of King of the Hill. It was first broadcast on December 17th 2000.

Plot

It is now Christmas time in Arlen, and Bill is feeling sad after helping Hank hide Bobby's birthday gift. Hank takes Bill to the post office with him to cheer him up, but Bill notices he is not getting any mail and attempts to confront a postal worker about it. But the only letters that did not get delivered were letters to Santa Claus, which are offered to people during Christmas time to make children happy. Bill accepts one from a boy named Matthew and sends him a trombone since the letter said he likes music.

Bill realizes he will get no credit for buying or sending a gift. But his depression soon goes away when he turns his front lawn into a Santa's Workshop which contains sleds, snow machines, presents and himself dressed as Santa. Parents are happy with this and Bill even gets a date with a single mom. But days later Christmas is passed and every one is taking their gifts down, but Bill is not ready and instead he adds a Santa Shaped Moon Bounce. He then goes a month still dressing like Santa Claus and having his house covered with lights. This scares the single mother, Marilyn, and she ditches him.

After ignoring more confrontations from his friends, Bill meets a man in his early 20s or possibly late teens, Wally, at the Laundry Matt. Wally asks Bill to lend him a few dollars for the dryer which contains his blue jeans. Bill gives Wally a whole bag of quarters. Wally is happy and states it's the "Best Christmas Ever". That night Bill notices Wally has invited some of his friends to his front lawn so they can hang out on the moon bounce and drink beer. Wally introduces Bill to his friends and says tells Bill they think he is very cool, Bill is touched by this and lets them stay. The next morning Hank discovers an empty beer bottle and a huge tire mark in his front lawn; he walks over to Bill's house where he notices Wally and his friends causing trouble.

After Wally makes fun of Hank's voice, Hank leaves in anger.That night Bobby, Connie and Joseph enter Bill's yard where Wally's friends leave very drunk. Bobby, sick of Hank bossing him around too much, buys a 40 ounce bottle of beer from Wally and gets drunk. After Hank discovers this, he angrily storms into Bill's house and notices his belt sander sitting on Bill's table. Bill tells Hank that it was a gift from Wally, but it turns out it had the exact same serial number as Hank's.Bill tries to talk to Wally about his bad behavior, bur Wally takes it the wrong way, runs away and steals Bill's car and credit card.Bill is now depressed and sad, but then receives a phone call from Wally, who is now in jail for stealing Bill's car.Bill rushes into Hank's house and admits he was wrong about Wally. Hank reluctantly takes Bill to the police station to help bail Wally out.After hearing about the stuff Wally did, Bill has no option but to find out a punishment for him.Instead of sending Wally to Jail, Bill shaves Wally's head and forces him to join the army.

Quotes

Wally: Nice pool, how about we jump in and see what floats?

Luanne: Just keep your beer cans on your own lawn...and stop trying to read my t-shirt

Hank: Bill, we are trying to raise kids here, good kids who don't try to kill you in your sleep, kids like Bobby

Bill: Wally would never kill me in my sleep, he even told me that... That kind of communication is very important in a father-son style relationship.

Bobby: HEY DAD I LIKE BEER!!!!! (Vomits)

Bill: You won't like this now soldier but you will thank me later

Wally: For what, making me a jarhead?

Bill: No, for convincing the judge that the army is a better place for you than prison... oh, soldier, you're not a jarhead, that's the Marine Corps... You're a grunt... and Bobby, if you get caught drinking again it will be your ass in this chair, won't it Hank?

Hank: Yes it will...now let's shave that thing off Wally's chin