Billy and the Boingers

The Deathtöngue (later Billy and the Boingers) lineup

Billy and the Boingers is a fictional heavy metal rock band from the comic strip Bloom County, originally known as Deathtöngue.

Most of the Deathtöngue saga is contained in the Bloom County collection Billy and the Boingers Bootleg, which included a flexi-disc containing what were apparently two songs by the band: "U-Stink-But-I-♥-U" and "I'm a Boinger".

• "U-Stink-But-I-♥-U" is a song written by Bill the Cat. In reality, the song was performed by the band Mucky Pup.

• "I'm a Boinger", written by Dallas, is the apparent response of Billy and the Boingers after the name change. It was actually played by the Harry Pitts Band.

The "liner notes" on the inside cover of Billy and the Boingers Bootleg are a parody of the thank you section in the Master of Puppets liner notes. They are both punctuated similarly and both mention "xtra freakin' yahooz." (It was "xtra fucken yahooz" in Master of Puppets.) Billy and the Boingers thank the "Boingers Metalbashers" whereas Metallica thank the "Bay Area Metallibashers."

Fictional history

The band was created by lawyer Steve Dallas during the peak of glam metal's commercial popularity, and originally called Deathtöngue. He wanted "another career... something big money... no neckties... loose sex..." and was inspired by the newly freed Bill the Cat doing a Horned Hand while waiting at the door to his office. Auditions promptly occurred, during which Opus auditions for the Tuba slot ("Heavy metal?" "Weighty brass... C'mon, gimme a break!")

Their first single, "Demon Drooler of the Sewer" (which sold with "Leper Lover") peaked at 1,012 on the Top 100 list. Later, their record deal with CBS Records fell through because of explicit lyrics on "Let's Run Over Lionel Ritchie [sic] with a Tank", which Steve Dallas read to Clive Davis, who was sitting right under a giant autographed picture of Richie. However, positive reaction was shown to the stunt of Bill biting off the head of a live roadie onstage (a reference to Ozzy Osbourne's Bat incident.)

They also engaged themselves socially as Christmas carolers and delighted Bloom County's front porches during Christmas time. Their apparently self-composed yet tradition-based repertoire included "I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus so I blew him away" and "Rudolph the red-nosed headbanger".

During congressional hearings on "porn rock," Dallas, under grilling by the wives of several congressmen, completely caved into congressional pressure and announced the band had changed their name and image to the more wholesome "Billy and the Boingers," possibly a play on the name Billy Vera and the Beaters, who had gained popularity in real life around that time.

Late in its career, the rechristened Billy and the Boingers embarked on their first world tour, sponsored by Dr. Scholl's Odor Eaters, which consisted of a single gig: the Moose Lodge Banquet in the Hiawatha Room at the Motel 6 in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where they played such favorites as "Hari Kari for Barry" (a reference to Barry Manilow) and "Pimples from Hell."

Bill got rich when "U-Stink-But-I-♥-U" became a jingle for Wheat Thins commercials, but he did not share the wealth with his bandmates. When he lost his metalhead credibility after staying up all night and reading the Bible with a nun, the band informally disbanded and left him behind. He was born again as a televangelist named "Fundamentally Oral Bill" in the tradition of Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Bakker and Oral Roberts, and the nun got to star in a Pepsi endorsement.

The lyric-writing ability of the band is exemplified by the following chorus:

"Run with the Devil!

Shout Satan's might!

Deathtöngue!

Deathtöngue!

The Beast rises tonight!"

Sadly, the hoped-for Grammy was not to be.

Lineup

• "Wild" Bill Catt - Singer/lead tongue
• Hodge-Podge - Drums
• Opus Croakus - 'Lectric tuba
• Steve Dallas - Songwriter/manager/guitar/vocals

Candidates for the band needed "to know 3 chords and be able to grimace musically."

Rosebud the Basselope was disqualified during the audition for singing a Simon and Garfunkel ballad The Sounds of Silence and had trouble removing the spandex pants donned specifically for the audition.

Opus won the Tuba slot by singing 'Satan Love boogie' by Judas Priest -

"Lucifer, do yer duty!

Slam my head, shake yer booty!

Wham, bam, thank you Nell,

I'm on the Amtrak to hell (Tuba solo)!

The Tuba solo got him in, threw him backwards, and made him wet his pants.

Milo, as a reporter for the Bloom County newspaper, would later try to find a story "about hidden Satanic messages in the songs," a poke at the efforts to find Satantic messages through backmasking. What he found was the message, "Go to church. Say your prayers. Tithe! Tithe!" He then says, quote, "I don't have a story."

Other songs

• Guillotine Grandpa- referenced only by chorus - "Lets Guillotine Grandpa/Guillotine Grandpa/Guillotine Grandpa, and put Grandma in the soup." Opus is defensive of it, but the minister visiting apparently intends to "slip it into the hymns next Sunday."

• Clearasil Messiah- Referenced only by the fact that "Clearasil Messiah from the Shelf" didn't really rhyme with "zapping zits from here to hell".

• Let's Run Over Lionel Richie With a Tank- "Middle of the road, Man it stanks, lets run over Lionel Ritchie with a tank."

• Hell's Bells- possibly referencing the AC/DC song - if played backward, it says "Gooooooooo to Church, Saaaay yoouuurrr prayers, Tithe! Tithe!

• Love Rhino- Lemme graze into your veldt/ lemme stomple your albino/ lemme nibble on your buds/ I'm your Love Rhino (tongue solo). This song causes 'Tippy Gorp' to declare 'off with his head.'

Note - other songs were mentioned, including Pimples From Hell, Skateboarding to Satan, Guillotine Your Parents, and "Hara-kiri for Barry."